$100 writing contest (help me pitch my novel)

In 2016 I put out some free books. They’ve done well, but now that I’m finishing up some sequels I want them to do better.

I don’t think my blurbs are strong enough and I need your help. All you have to do is comment with your rewritten blurb below. I’ll pay $100 for the best blurb to Shearwater Part One and pick ten runnerups to get a postcard.

Here’s the blurb I’m using right now:

 

 


 

“It’s like The Little Mermaid for adults. I couldn’t stop reading.” ★★★★★

When my parents died in an accident, they left me like a piece of furniture to a grandfather I never knew existed. In Ireland. As if moving halfway around the world wasn’t bad enough, I soon learned my mother had left behind some unresolved drama – dark secrets that were screaming to be uncovered. And then there are the things I can’t explain. Strange things keep happening around me. Happening to me. Is it because of Sebastian, the golden-haired stranger who showed up in town at the same time as I did? Or Ethan, the kid locals whisper plays with dark magic?

Maybe both. Maybe neither. But someone is definitely out to get me, and I need to figure out why, and fast… because I’m discovering powers of my own. Powers that I can’t contain. And no matter what I do or who is to blame, if I don’t discover the real reason my mother fled Ireland, more people are going to die.

MERMAIDS ARE REAL.
And they’re going to kill us all.


 

Think you can do better?

Post your revised version in the comments below (make sure your name is visible so I can find you if you win).

If you need to read the book first, it’s free on Amazon.

 

mermaid novel shearwatermermaid art book

 

 

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6 Comments

  • Reply RA Marshall December 7, 2016 at 1:57 pm

    I’ll play! But could you tell us a little more about the book? It’s hard to write a blurb for something I haven’t read (though in reading your blurb, I must say I’m inspired to read it — I do think I downloaded it when you first put it out!). Anyway, if you could post a synopsis — the main characters, main conflict, etc. — then I’d probably be inspired to try to rewrite your blurb. 🙂 Thanks, Derek, you’re always keeping things quite interesting!

  • Reply Zara Hoffman December 7, 2016 at 9:27 pm

    I just finagled with what you already had. Hope you like it:

    MERMAIDS ARE REAL. And they’re going to kill us all.

    When Clara’s parents die in an accident, she discovers her mother’s dark secrets that were screaming to be uncovered in Ireland. Strange things keep happening, and she can’t tell if it’s because of Sebastian, the golden-haired stranger who showed up the same time as she did, or Ethan, the kid locals whisper plays with dark magic.

    Whoever it is, they are definitely out to get Clara, and she need to figure out why, and fast… because she’s discovering powers of her own. And no matter who is to blame, if she don’t discover the real reason her mother fled Ireland, more people are going to die.

    [not necessary, but if you want to include the review] “It’s like The Little Mermaid for adults. I couldn’t stop reading.” ★★★★★

  • Reply Sarah K. L. Wilson December 7, 2016 at 10:02 pm

    Mermaids are real. And they’re going to kill us all.

    Secrets. Powers. Hot mysterious guys. What’s not to love about Ireland? I don’t know, but whatever it was made my mother flee this place years ago, and if I don’t figure it out quickly it’s going to kill me and everyone else too. Can Sebastian and Ethan help me, or are they just hot distractions in my quest to solve this riddle before the clock runs out?

  • Reply Alicia Rades December 7, 2016 at 11:43 pm

    Here’s my stab at it. It uses most of your same wording (which is great!), but I changed the point of view and shortened the whole thing.

    Clara Clark’s life can’t get any worse. After her parents die in an accident, she’s sent to live with a grandfather she never knew existed. In Ireland. Dark secrets her mother left behind there are screaming to be uncovered. Strange occurrences plague Clara. Someone’s out to get her, and she needs to figure out why. And fast. Clara’s discovering powers of her own, powers she can’t contain. If she can’t figure out her mother’s secrets soon enough, more people are going to die. It’s up to her to save them.

    • Reply Alicia Rades December 8, 2016 at 1:15 am

      I realized I completely forgot to mention the mermaids. And I’m not sure “her mother left behind there” flows. Maybe just, “her mother left behind.” Maybe end with something like, “Mermaids are real. It’s up to Clara to save everyone from them.”

  • Reply Alicia Rades December 27, 2016 at 10:44 pm

    When does this close, Derek?

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